Eh-hum # 271

Cougars on the prowl and the last of the Spurmo(s)

Once you give a certain phenomenon a name, it becomes acceptable or at least less of a taboo to most people. One of which is the concept of a “cougar”. Of course, am not talking of the large exotic feline also referred to as a Mountain Lion, but close: women in their mid-30s (and beyond) who date younger men (10 years their junior usually).

Cougars, I mean, these ladies are literally on the prowl for, ehem, fresh meat. Well, I am not saying its wrong; women can date whoever they wish, as long they are of majority age (statutory rape should work both ways). But I find it all too confusing. I mean, why would an independent, successful and smart lady would date some eye candy whose mentality has not gone beyond college, bank account is virtually non-existent and foresight still under construction? Wouldn’t they be a liability rather than an asset? Could this be all about sex and not feeling one’s age? Isn’t it creepy that you and your teenage daughter have the same taste in guys?

Because how they are portrayed in the media, especially in the US’ entertainment industry, cougars are here to stay. I am sure they are couples out there who have the same set-up, but since they are not involved in the circus that is Hollywood, they are able to work out their differences without all that drama. Several weeks ago, my sister and I were figuring out who among the Philippine showbiz personalities fit the typical cougar category. “Kris Aquino?” I suggested. She made a face, “She has to have sex appeal”. Oh. Right. Sorry, Kris.

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All this talk about feisty females brings me to another topic: Spurmo (what in God’s name are we doing to the English language?). Hmm. Without looking at the spelling, one could think we are talking about a man’s, uh, “boys” having the capacity to swim up the stream to meet their, uh, “date” and thus procreate. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Yes and No, it is actually an acronym: “Straight, proud, unmarried male over 30” (well, it should’ve been called SPURMO 30, like a questionable household appliance). Characteristics of the archetypal Spurmo are as follows:

1. Checking out a woman means checking out if she has a wedding ring;
2. Your ex-girlfriends have “real” children to take care of (not men pretending to be boys);
3. You avoid the hot ladies in their early twenties because they tend to call you “tito”, “kuya”, or worse, “sir”;
4. Most of your earnings go to handsome sports car, car accessories, high-tech gadgets and other similar merchandise;
5. In your opinion, Cindy Crawford is still the best looking supermodel that ever lived;
6. In pop culture, Hannah Montana is still a child. Thus, you relate to her one-hit-wonder of a father; and
7. Recession has nothing to do with the economy, but with your hair.

The Spurmo is a single, successful fellow who does whatever he wants because he can pretty much support himself. Of course, there are some disadvantages, like being labeled as a “stud muffin”, being constantly set-up by your friends’ wives’ single girl friends, and dwindling number of serious drinking buddies since most of them are now family men. But do not fret; with dedication and hard work, you might end up being the local version of Hollywood’s alpha male and super spurmo, George Clooney. I said might.

(The topic on “spurmo” is taken from a local men’s magazine, MANUAL. This is what happens when your friendly neighborhood Starbucks ran out of more sensible reading material. But it was entertaining nonetheless).